Today is one of those days that I experience a couple times a year where I have to constantly remind myself that life isn’t as bad as it seems and that I have tons of reasons to smile.
* inserts first line of Beyonce’s “Don’t Hurt Yourself*
I’ll make this post short and sweet.
A few days ago a good friend of mine told me, “Being happy is a personal choice, Jance. You have to figure out why you’re in a funk and fix it… Just gotta do some soul searching. It’s something that you’re trying to suppress.”
Now, in that moment I was thinking “Easier said than done.” But, honestly he was right. Once I was able to identify what, or should I say who, my problem was, I finally started to feel like I was on the narrow road towards recovery. I was able to be more honest with myself and with that person. It became easier to express how I was feeling and why.
As I sit here writing this very sentence, ironically Vivian Green’s “Emotional Rollercoaster” has started to play. How appropriate!? A song about an unhealthy type of love… an emotional rollercoaster that seems impossible to get off of… I’m pretty sure I fall prey to these types of situations every 365 days or so…
Yesterday I told myself
I was gonna be okay
Gonna start a new day, truly happy
I was gonna take control of me
But eventually reality hit me
Mentally, physically, emotionally
And I opened my eyes and realized
That I was still bein’ taken for a constant ride on
I’m at this awkward place in my mid-twenties where everyone my age is either getting married, having babies or moving across the country to live out their dreams while I’m just sitting here wondering when and if I’m gonn eat today and if I have any alcohol in my fridge to help me sleep tonight 😂😭😅. I’m human and I’m imperfect, so it’s hard not to at times be envious or simply unhappy with your current place in life compared to others.
But, you have to remind yourself that everybody is different. No one’s story is the same. It’s natural to yearn for the love and care of someone else… to want to feel affection or just simply a connection with someone else..
Yet, sometimes the best relationship you could form is a relationship with yourself.
Love yourself girl, or nobody will.
– J. Cole
I’m not saying that I struggle in the area of self-love. At times I may even come off as too full of myself (when that’s actually not the case at all). I simply just go through terribly horrible phases of thinking that I can’t get through this thing called life alone…
Like my good friend (who just so happens to be one of those males that drove me crazy in love a few years back) said, I was in fact suppressing something. And it was the fact that I was significantly unhappy because I felt alone. I wanted a companion…someone’s ear to talk off 😂. So I made a point to reach out to my friends; to make extra time for them rather than trying to find time for the opposite sex. Like I said, I’m imperfect so it ain’t always easy. But, I’m a work in progress 😜.
Anywho, I’ll step off of my pedestal now. Y’all know when I’m feeling something I like to write it down and share. This was extremely random but, I hope this helps someone else get through their day today.
P.S. Enjoy the photos below and don’t forget to smile today 😄